Speaking Truth

Sometimes, speaking truth is hard. I have had to speak truth to inappropriate things said to me, not once, not twice, but on multiple occasions. Things said sometimes in jest, sometimes with flattery,  mostly covertly, a few times so brazenly that I was simply stunned, like a deer in headlights. I was left wondering how I was supposed to interpret what was said to me. All were uninvited. During these times, as grievances grew, I knew that if I was to have any respect for myself, I needed to say something. If I cared about others who may have to endure such treatment, I needed to speak up. 

Speaking up has never been an easy thing for me. I grew up at a time in a culture where “that’s just how it is” was the default. The status quo must not be challenged. The boat must remain steady. And while we have made some progress as a society, I recognize that much remains the same. The hard work of justice and truth remains just that. Hard work that is emotionally draining. There is a very large resistance built into the fabric of society. It is like trying to dam the ocean. 

I have learned that when behavior is displayed in such covert and hidden ways, it is not easy to address, let alone prove to others. In the end, truth can be carefully denied, flat out rejected. It’s interesting how memory can fail one person, while the other can’t get it out of her head. Perhaps all the more reason to speak truth sooner, rather than later.

I have learned to recognize and understand disrespect and harm, and as time goes on the less I care about maintaining appearances, or the status quo, or about being polite. I understand that everyone is under a large amount of stress, but it does not and cannot excuse ongoing harmful behavior. I will continue to default to patience and forgiveness, seeking to understand what lies at the root. But if I or others are being harmed or disrespected, I will refuse to conform, to keep quiet. I will speak the truth, even if my voice shakes. 

This morning, as I sit in a quiet house with a gentle breeze flowing through the window, a welcome peace fills me. Peace that has evaded me for some time. What am I learning about truth? I am learning that peace is a gift of Truth. It far outshines anything that living by the status quo (or lies) will ever give. It’s worth its weight in gold.